winepouring | Inbox

[ Shino not liking his answer was expected, but he hadn't expected his reaction to be so frigid, either. It's not what Shi Qingxuan expected, to have Shino stop with just a simple oh and nothing more.

Of course, he also doesn't leave it as just oh, but that indifferent tone is still there, and those words...

A myriad of thoughts go through Shi Qingxuan's mind - first, that's a pretty shocking revelation when he didn't even know they had that kind of relationship; second, this timing is rather notable; thirdly, this timing is incredibly telling - and all he can do is stare down at him, too stunned and confused to even fall into his usual mode of dealing uncomfortable and tense moments.

After a moment, he stops gaping and says, very evenly: ]

If Shino has something to say to me, he should say it outright.

[ He reads that silence as confirmation, at first, imagines some stiffness, before he's simply confused. Say what to him how? When hasn't he? Shino lifts his head again, finally loosening his hold, brow furrowed in confusion.

He'd thought (erroneously) his awareness of the B-cube was an indication of what he'd dealt with. Instead, there's this. ]

Is there something I haven't said? That whole B-cube thing got me stuck as a deer-jinba. Konoha helped.

[ He finally does let go, still visibly confused, though he wipes the confusion away after, damp hair clinging to shoulders and part of his face. He takes an uncertain step back, suddenly less sure of the ground he's standing on. ]

Iris can be bad. Really bad.

[ And if he's getting stuck as a deer-jinba more and more often, if that happens again... he hadn't hated the moment, hadn't hated chasing the heat away with someone he cares about, and also hadn't thought of doing the same again with Konoha, or anyone, really. It's confusing enough for him when she's the second person he's been intimate with, and it's shifted a small thing between them, but not changed the way they felt, or how he felt for others in a far more intimate manner. He's in love with Shi Qingxuan, he's in love with Xie Lian, and...

And nothing, apparently. He'll have to figure out Iris on his own. He'll figure out whatever he needs to, because it's his stupid moon burden to bear. ]

[ To think that the B-Cube incident could have such a revelation for Shino. The one who's confused here is Shi Qingxuan, and he's trying to connect the dots since, for once, Shino isn't telling his feelings plainly and openly.

Maybe that's better? No, it just feels uncomfortable when he's used to complete honesty from him. Shino steps away, and Shi Qingxuan doesn't know what to do with his hands beyond flicking open the fan tucked into his belt and start fanning himself. He's not flushed, and if anything he's paler than usual, but the brush of wind on his face feels good.

Fine, fine, if Shino is confused, then he'll be the one to say things outright! ]

I didn't know you and Konoha had that kind of relationship. Not that you need to tell me everything— [ But he's the one that was so forthright with his feelings before, so can he be a little shocked now? ] —and if you want to spend Iris with her, of course that's your own choice to make. I really don't understand jinba as well as she does...

[ As inadequate as he feels now, he's the one who's said it, so it doesn't sting too badly.

But it still stings. ]

[ For a moment, he stares at him, uncomprehending. When did he say he wanted to spend Iris with anyone? Having the B-cube throw him into an Iris-adjacent state he couldn't shake off just by powering through it, being forced out of his natural form and into a new one, feeling like he couldn't leave in the first place...

Beyond even that, what kind of relationship did he have with Konoha? ]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[ He says, brow furrowing. ]

Konoha's my friend, and she has her own Iris to deal with. With Gonta, her husband. Why would I force myself on both of them? Why would I even want to?

[ Yes, she knows jinba better, because she is one, all one hundred percent natural, so he doesn't say anything about her understanding versus Shi Qingxuan's: of course Konoha knows more. The only relevance for that statement he can find is tied up in the rest of his own reshuffled thoughts on intimacy and making love, and he doesn't know how the heck that slates together. Is Qingxuan hurt? Jealous? He's not embarrassed, he's too pale as he fans himself.

Shino's chest constricts, and he hugs his chest as a way to both give his arms something to do and to ease that sudden, sharp pain. He's messed up, hasn't he? He's not sure of all the particulars, but he had to have, right? ]

Why are you assuming I want to spend Iris with anyone else? I'm saying what that stupid cube did to me!

[ He's a confused kind of angry, and though it's tempting to give in to being angry, it's the confusion and his own hurt that's more immediate. He blinks his eyes to rid himself of their burning, chin tucking inward. ]

That whole time I couldn't leave, my head was so wrapped up in worrying about Konoha because of that cube, and the heat didn't stop. Nothing made it stop. I couldn't even bring myself to... to touch myself, like I needed permission or something, I don't know! And when Konoha noticed how bad it was, she felt bad and asked if she could help, and I said yes. And I thought it was something like making love but apparently it's not, apparently only certain things are, apparently all the things you wouldn't want to do if I was stuck like that again, and just because you don't want to do those things doesn't mean I'm going to run to Konoha and Gonta and beg that they will because I'm so desperate to make love with people who don't want me.

[ That's a lot all at once to say.

Shi Qingxuan stares at him, still fanning himself, and he isn't sure what to say.

Mostly because he had been operating under a completely different understanding of the situation which involved Shino and Konoha being lovers and Shino opting to relieve the discomfort and heat of Iris with someone who understands his issues more personally. (Admittedly, this started with Shi Qingxuan saying he didn't know if he could make love to Shino in that form, and that's still true... He can't just change that inadequacy.)

Now that he understands their relationship and the context behind what he initially said, a different kind of pain works its way into his chest. That time in the B-cube was truly trying for him... Even if he knew, Shi Qingxuan knows he couldn't have helped him, but to hear how helpless he felt, Shi Qingxuan still wishes he could have done more...

And between all of that helplessness, there's another thread of misunderstanding that Shi Qingxuan doesn't understand, but first things first— ]

I don't want you to spend time with people who don't want you—I always want you, so I want you to spend time with me. I want you in every form.

[ Though he can't imagine Konoha wouldn't want him. Maybe that's Shi Qingxuan's own bias, but he's not examining that now. ]

Making love is only making love if it's with someone you love. [ And now he's finally getting embarrassed, voice wavering. ] I don't know what you consider it, but if I'm with you, then it's always that.

[ That's the "certain thing" in Shi Qingxuan's very thorough definition of what qualifies as "making love."

Beyond that, though, there's that initial misunderstanding he wants to clear up. It's not that he doesn't want to make love to Shino, it's that... ]

...But I don't know how to handle that form, I really don't. I don't know how to please you. [ He fans more rapidly and his voice drops, the only two things currently letting him keep his composure. ] And you can't say that having it only one way counts! It doesn't count if I can't please you too! Even if you're fine with it, I still want to make love to you, too...

[ All his shuffled thoughts are paused, unceremoniously dropped on the floor. If making love is... well, yes, that he knew and agreed on, but. ]

But you're always pleasing me. Whenever I'm with you, I'm pleased. What kind of pleasing are you talking about, that you can't do with your hands or your mouth or I don't know?!

[ The door behind Shi Qingxuan rattles with for force of the Wind Master Fan's gusts. ]

I don't know if I can please you with my hands or my mouth either when you're not human there, I've never been anything but human when these things happen, I don't know what will feel nice for a jinba, I don't know what jinba like!!

[ Now he's rambling and even the wind on his face can't keep the blush from creeping up his neck. ]

[ His eyes are drawn toward that door, blinking, sure that yes this is seeing embarrassment on some level but-- ]

Being wanted? I'm still made out of flesh and bone, it's not like that changes, and even what's... even what's down there isn't that different! A little bigger, yeah, and in a sheath, but I don't even think it looks deer like so much like a... small horse?

[ He's not suddenly gifted with Large Dick, is what he's saying, because yes he knows this and yes he tried figuring it out. All things said, he's got a very... long... mostly humanlike penis.

And no, he has no idea how accurate that is or isn't, and it makes peeing weird because balancing over squat toilets or seated toilets is weird enough, but no one's asking! He's not telling!!! ]

Ah-ahahaha!

[ Nope, he's lost it now, face completely red, eyes wide. Embarrassment has finally won out over composure. ]

I want you, but...hahaha... I don't... How could my face... hahaha... hahaha... I'm not the size of a horse?

[ ???? Does Shi Qingxuan even know what he's saying?? This is without even knowing his thoughts, which would at least make him laugh for a different reason. ]

[ He's not sure he's following what is being said, now, but that's more because no thought is completed. His sense is that Qingxuan understandably doesn't think he can take much in his mouth, which... yes? but there's a whole length, right, and tongues are good for... why is he thinking about this?!

The not the size of a horse thing on the other hand goes right to: ]

What does that have to do with... you're girthy enough! It'd be fine!

[ Goes right to thinking Shi Qingxuan is worried Shino wouldn't feel him from behind. ]

[ His eyes water, either from embarrassment or from the assault of wind on his face, and his smile is still wavering. ]

Thank you? Haha... I'm naturally that way, aha...

[ At least, even embarrassed and flustered, he still appreciates compliments. Even about his dick. ]

You're a good size too, in human form. Not that I think you'd be a bad size in jinba form, hahaha... But I never...hahaha... It, hahaha...

[ He's finally stopped holding his torso in favour of holding his face. ]

Shi! Qing! Xuan!

[ He finally stops fanning, his hair falling against his shoulders again, the door no longer softly rattling.

He's still tearing up, but Shino's snapped him out of his "haha, haha"-ing. ]

Shino?

[ Pulling his hands down his face, but still holding his own face, his now more dry hair in a total mess, he asks: ]

What exactly and in specifics are you worried about here?!

[ Because he admits, he seriously doesn't think he knows! Why were they complimenting each other's dicks?! What was Qingxuan thinking up that Shino wasn't?! ]

[ In specifics, he doesn't want to talk about this because it's embarrassing! It's way too embarrassing! He thought they were going to hang out a little bit and maybe cuddle... Now he's thinking of the finer points of human-jinba coupling for the first time since...well, this last happened.

He manages to just keep his fan, open as it is, simply tucked against his chest. ]

...

[ b r e a t h e

He closes his eyes and lifts his fan to cover the lower half of his face. ]

How would the angle work if you're standing and I'm on my knees?? I'll just headbutt your stomach at best.

[ Watching Shi Qingxuan hide away his lower face again, Shino finally lets his hands drop away from his own face. What in the world... ]

... Qingxuan... I'd sit. Or lay down! Why would I be standing?

Why wouldn't you be standing??

[ He opens his eyes, looking down at him, but he keeps his face shielded. ]

I don't know what you'd do and what would be comfortable. I never had to think of this so much.

Wouldn't we start with asking? How often do I stand up when we're doing that like this?

[ He gestures to himself with both hands, look, all human, all a mess, still barefoot and tangled now. ]

I didn't have to either, until I did, and when your brain's nothing but what you're trying not to do for over a week straight, two weeks, you think a lot about it even when you don't want to.

[ And now Shi Qingxuan feels guilty again remembering Shino's state with the B-cube. Right, that is what started all of this. For a moment, his eyes lower, but he's collected himself enough again that he lifts his eyes, snaps his fan shut, and tucks it into his belt. ]

Since Shino has thought of this more than I have, he should tell me what he's considered, then! Let me brush your hair out, and we can talk together somewhere more comfortable.

[ He nods, but doesn't speak when he turns and heads for the bedroom, where he left his brush. What has he considered? It's a long, hazy recollection, too many things blurred together, such that he isn't sure there's a coherent explanation. Still... this is a better conversation now than it had been when they were both confused and at a loss as to what each other even meant.

He scrubs at his face with one hand, sitting on the bed without any attempt at grace. His brush, which yes, look, he has one! Bounces on the bed beside him, clattering to the floor. Hand dropping away from his face, he stares down at it, frowns, then leans forward, mess of more or less dried hair pooling around his head, reaching for the stupid thing. ]

[ Oh good, he better have one! He has such beautiful hair, he should take good care of it!

Shi Qingxuan settled himself behind him with much more grace, all the flowing layers of his robes pulled neatly around himself. While Shino gets his comb, Shi Qingxuan carefully gathers his hair from across his shoulders, pulling it neatly behind his back. His hair really is a bit if a mess... Shi Qingxuan has to wonder why Shino chose such an inopportune time to pray to him. Did he think he wouldn't answer as soon as he did...?

He pulls his hair back just a bit to press a kiss to the side of Shino's neck. ]

Let's trade?

[ The comb Shino picked up for the orange Shi Qingxuan has pulled from his sleeve. ]

[ He leans back with that kiss, because he'd been tired to start with, and any more emotional wringing is leaving him even more exhausted. It's no one's fault, simply a series of days and emotional events taking their toll with a few more miscommunications piled on top, resolved as most of them are now.

He closes his eyes when he hands over the comb, but opens them at the touch and smell of the orange. ]

Where did that come from?

From my apartment. You sounded tired when you prayed to me, so I thought you might want a snack...

[ He finishes that trailing off, realizing after he's already said it that it was an incredibly shallow thought.

Well, he's not going to dwell on that! He lifts the orange a little more, offering. ]

Are you hungry?

[ It isn't deep, but it's nice, that he had any thought or intention at all. Shino smiles a little, accepting the orange, settling in to peeling it and starting with shoving his fingernail into the divot where the orange grew from the tree. The sharp scent of citrus bursts in his nose with that breaking of orange skin, flooding the area in a way refreshingly different than recent times have been: flowers so omnipresent as to be nauseating. Ones that had taken Shi Qingxuan's eye, which has yet to fully heal... or heal in any way where his god's comfortable leaving off what disguises it away in white. ]

Famished.

[ He says, but the way he peels the orange is methodical, using his thumbs to pry up the peel in a long, winding tail, leaving it unbroken. ]

I'm... not really sure what... I'd want, when I'm like that.

[ Behind him, Shi Qingxuan nods unseen while he gathers up and starts gently working the tangles out of his hair, starting at the bottom. ]

Then we can think about it when the time comes? If it's affection that you want, then I can always give you affection, no matter what form either of us are in.

[ Which doesn't necessarily include making love, but Shino had said he wants love...

And he's grateful that at least his small offering was accepted without more question. Of course Shino always has an appetite...! ]

Oh, but I also brought you a peach. If you're hungry, then I can make you dinner, too.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject